Snoring and sleep loss: a room of one's own

Posted by Michael Wale

The secret to a happy and refreshed marriage could be sleeping in separate bedrooms, says Michael Wale

snoring sleep disruption

I look at morning TV programmes and wonder about my relationship with my wife. Other couples seem to attach a great deal of importance to things we find rather incidental. For instance, recently, wives were discussing snoring as a threat to their relationships. In our marriage my window rattling snores have proven to be liberating and not the end of the marriage at all. Obviously a few adjustments have had to be made, but, for a wife, I would have thought having your own room would always be a good thing.

Your own room is part of the natural evolution of a lifespan. Most of us fought for years to get one and defended its sanctity against upstart siblings, then threw the whole concept out of the window in exchange for ready access to sex. This was short sighted and, with natural moderation in desire, there are enormous advantages all round to separate sleeping arrangements. Ladies consider.

Quite apart from the return of well-deserved rest periods you can repersonalise your own space and have the TV where you prefer it. The remote control will always be to your hand and not buried under some old man's backside. Your husband can decorate his walls with school photos and sepia prints of Marilyn Monroe and tap on his computer day and night, without having to leave your bed at odd hours or, worse still, return to it to talk when you are comfortably propped up with a book, cup of tea and a handful of Hobnobs. There are anti-snoring medicines, and various cotton contraptions secured about the neck that may work, but, assuming these have failed, then the only problems remaining are logistic. Cost and sex.

If you have a small one bedroomed apartment you may have to do as my wife and I did, for longer than I care to remember, and take turns with a duvet on the settee in the sitting room. A far from satisfactory answer. Cost therefore comes in to the equation because a spare bedroom is needed.

Sex. No more rolling over and tickling his tummy I am afraid. An adult attitude has to be taken. I do not like the cold predictability of looking at my watch on a Saturday evening and announcing that it is time for rumpy pumpy because the TV is rubbish and we have decided this particular time will be regularly filled with sex; after a bottle of Asti Spumante and a light supper. But for some this is the answer. A wistful face peering round your door asking if you fancy a bit may not get you going either. This is a matter that must be discussed, but we are all grown-ups aren't we? Broach the subject and be prepared to adapt when trials fail.

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Can a relationship survive when a couple sleep in separate rooms?

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